Scan-Anxiety

Quinault Forest, Olympics
Photo @ Providence Cancer Center 7 North

The prompt for today’s writing assignment was: “Pay attention to the messages from your body. Ask your body — ‘what do you want?’ Write about the experience of tuning into your body.” This is what I wrote:

“The body knows,” writes the author of Radical Remissions.

My experience is that, while the body may know, the mind is inclined to doubt. This is especially noticeable during this week when I’m due for a CT scan to check disease status.

I spend several minutes each day listening to my body speak to me in the language of notable physical sensation: tension, pain, discomfort, fatigue, heaviness, breathlessness. I’m listening for reassurance that T-cells are winning and cancer cells are losing the epic struggle for an average lifespan. But the body is seldom capable of giving an unequivocal message that all is well.

I think the problem is partly attention bias. My body-listening tends to ignore long periods of painless and carefree existence and then over-dramatize unpleasant sensations.

3 thoughts on “Scan-Anxiety”

  1. Your writing and words are so full Marty. I feel honored to read what you are sharing. Thank you for your vulnerability and the quality of your being as you share your heart with all of us.
    [warm hug full of love]

  2. Marty,
    You write eloquently. I am drawn in to each story, hearing it delivered with your tender baritone voice. You are vulnerable here; sharing your cancer journey, the loss of your Mother, and writing prompts. Thank you for sharing.

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